Will you still need me... will you still feed me, when I am sixty-four?
The Beatles crooned this line perhaps wondering what it takes to keep 'desire' alive in a marriage at the ripe age of sixty-four. Well - humans are thankfully living longer than ever, and this line is as applicable for a couple at the age of seventy-four, eighty-four and thereafter too.
Fact is - a marriage is a lifelong relationship, but like everything else affected by time, it changes as the years go by. Change is the only constant, as they say. In the case of a marriage, change does not only occur because its individual parts evolve, but also because as age sets in, lifestyles no longer remain the same.
The wise prepare for change before it happens. In order to help you not be taken by surprise too, we present a run through the foremost changes you can expect in your twosome, as you grow old -
Time to get in each other's way
Arun spent much of his life jet-setting across cities but when he handed over the reins of his life to his son, he found himself with a lot more time on his hands. His wife Malti was initially delighted at the thought of finally, having her husband to herself for long stretches of time. But she hadn't reckoned with the fact that he would get under her feet while she ran the house, or have time to question her decisions! The truth is that there is no retirement from running a household. It took time for this duo to settle down into a routine, wherein Malti shared some of her chores and the decision-making process with Arun.
Time to share common interests
For the reason mentioned above, it helps if a couple shares more than a hobby or two. You want to grow old with each other, right? Not bored with each other - so keep 'discovering common interests' high on your agenda throughout your married life. That will make your shared journey in the twilight of your life all the more interesting. As you grow old, you will find yourself relying more on these pastimes you both enjoy.
Hear what Seema, blissfully married to Vijay for forty years, advises youngsters - "Don't get so involved in the rollercoaster of life that you don't find the time to really live together in every sense. Don't assume that living together is the sole purpose of your marriage, and continue to pursue what interests you separately. Marriage is all about sharing these interests."
Need for support
Have you ever seen frail elderly people holding hands when they walk? It seems wonderful that their love still blooms after all those years. But is it also true that that may also be doing so to keep each other stable and upright! As every married person knows, marriage puts you in a space where you start relying on each other. It is normal for this dependence will grow as you age - accept this as a natural phenomenon, not as a sign of your weakness.
Let's not get physical
So - libido does tend to slow down with age, but this presents as a challenging situation if a wife or husband experiences a faster or greater slowdown than the other. Realizing that intimacy amounts to a lot more than mere sex helps, so too does a healthy respect for each other's ageing process.
Looking back
You'll spend more time looking back at the various stages of your life as you get old. Think about it - isn't the best compliment you can give your spouse, in the sunset years of your life, telling him / her that he / she was the best decision you ever made? But don't wait until then. Evaluate your relationship along the way too. Are you content with the way things stand? If not, work to resolve issues.
Robert Browning's poem - Grow old along with me! - captures the spirit of growing old together... while suggesting that a relationship is meant to be experienced in full, through its various stages:
"Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith "A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!"
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